Close to the Finish Line!

I don't know what it is, but I can really start out well on a project (especially is the ideas are flowing) and can spend weeks devoted completely to what I'm writing.  And then comes the hiccup.  Something will happen to distract me, and I lose focus.  Then it's really difficult to get back on the computer and finish.  

Right now, I'm 34 chapters into W.t.W.W.Y.N.  That's not an insignificant achievement...but it's not perfect either.  It was about there that I realized I didn't like some of the direction I was going and (to steal a phrase from "Lost") I had to course correct. Now, I seem muddled in not only getting everything in line up to 34 but in finishing it.  I see the end in my mind; I have a pretty good idea of where the story is going.  It just takes a lot of work to get it there.  *Sigh*

Character Profile: Elizabeth Abbot Kinkaid

Elizabeth, or Lizzie as she is called, is the heroine of W.t.W.W.Y.N.   I wanted to make Lizzie as normal as possible, meaning I didn't want her to be some heroic FBI agent out to stop the bad guy.  I pictured her as someone who was the victim in a plot bigger than her, so that she would be forced to confront major obstacles to get her life back.  

Here's some basic information: 

Lizzie is early-30's (around 32 or 33).  She has wild, curly red hair.  I pictured her hair as reflecting her own emotions.  When it's calm and controlled, she has her life in order, and when it takes over, she's lost control of who she is.  She's pretty average in height but way too skinny (a result of stress from the last 2 years of her life).  

Her History:

Lizzie grew up in Rose Lee, Colorado with her father and grandparents.  Her mother left the family when Lizzie was only 3 or 4, and Lizzie has rarely seen her since.  Her grandmother died when she was  a teen, and her father died of a heart attack when Lizzie was in college.  So, she really leans on her grandfather as the support system in her life.

She grew up with five close friends.  Nick Kinkaid (who she would grow up to marry), Tess (who would marry Dan), Dan Monroe (Nick's cousin), Russ, and Emerson "Em" Kinkaid (Nick's younger sister).  Her deepest friend was Em until she passed away from cancer when the girls were teens. 

All the loss in Lizzie's past, especially the loss of Em, pushed her into the field of counseling.  At the time of her disappearance she was counseling teen girls who'd undergone extreme trauma in their lives.

What's her deal?

That's the mystery.  What is the deal?  Two years ago, Lizzie apparently left her husband and the life they'd built together.  Leaving only a disjointed note to explain her decision, Lizzie vanished.  Nick could never believe that Lizzie would take off the way she did, but many people remember how wild Lizzie had been as a teenager and figure it fit her character perfectly.  

Now, 2 years later, Lizzie returns by what seems to be coincidence to her hometown.  However, she has no memory of her past or who she was before she'd left.  Now, with the help of her friends, Lizzie has to figure out who she is and what happened to her before the man behind it strikes again. 

Answered Prayer

God is amazing.  I know that, but I also know that God does things on his timetable and not on mine.  That's sometimes really difficult to deal with.  I want what I want when I want it.  Unfortunately, I recognize that I'm kind of impatient, a lot stubborn, and majorly independent.  These are not qualities that lead to patient waiting.  God has really been forcing me to wait in several areas of my life.  Sometimes I take "wait" as a "no".  What I need is to remember that God's okay is far better than my best, and I know that God wants more than okay for me.  He wants his best.  So, sometimes, I just need to pray without expectations placed on him.  He's God after all, and if I can't trust him, who can I trust?  God will answer in his time, and I need to believe that.  

Praise God!

A 3 in 1

I used to never read those books that had three novels in one.  The stories always felt too short, and I wanted more time with the characters.  However, recently, I've discovered the joy of reading those shorter novels.  I mean, instead of one great book I suddenly had 3 shorter stories!  It's like Christmas!  

However, the downside is that sometimes the quality is pretty poor.  The stories can feel rushed, and we're not given much time to get to know the characters.  There's been a few of these books that I haven't finished because the quality was so terrible.  I'm not kidding when I say this--I read one where the 2 leads spent FIVE pages arguing about whether dogs or cats made better pets. Really?  This is a short book, there must be something of interest to write about your characters. If they warranted a book, then they better have a story to tell.  

One of my many ideas including writing one of these books.  I even have the basis for it.  The overarching story would take place at a homeless shelter.  The first story would be about Grace Morgan, an ex-actress and former drug addict, who works at the shelter as director of fundraising.  Sam Mills is a tabloid journalist who comes searching for her and re-discovers himself.  The second story is about Olivia O'Dell, a divorcee with a young son, who is the manager of the mission.  While she is still dealing with the mess that was her marriage, she meets Travis Hart.  Travis is a former military man looking for his bipolar sister who vanished onto the streets.  The third story is about Corinne "Cory" Tall Oak.  Cory is the co-ordinator of children's services at the shelter as well as owner of a small motel.  She is dealing with the ramifications of an unwed pregnancy when she meets James Sheridan.   James is a widower with 3 children who is bringing his children to visit their grandparents while dealing with the loss of his wife.  

I haven't gotten much farther than the ideas for each story but I'll get there.  

What if you don't want to write about what you know?

"They" always say to write what you know.  I've always wondered, what if you had a really boring life?  What if you don't want to write about the everyday happenings of your neighbors and how you're sure your boss hates you because he gave you the worst assignment ever?  

Personally, I've always been more interested in reading suspense stories and that's what I enjoy writing.  Have I ever met someone in the FBI?  No.  But I sure do like reading stories about them.  For me, writing is about the art of pretend, and if you write well enough, the audience shouldn't ever know that I'm not a part of the FBI myself.  I don't know if I'm THAT good, but I'm certainly trying.

This whole writing what you know would cut a lot of stuff out of my book, and that's not even counting jobs that I don't participate in myself.  

I think writing is more about writing on the human condition and emotions that everyone experiences.  Those are the things we should know about when we write.  Our characters should feel like real people even if they are in outrageous, highly suspect situations.  How many people really suffer from amnesia?  My guess is not nearly as many as authors write about and actors portray...but if we can grab ahold of the emotions that person might be going through, that's the key to a good, dynamic story.  

on editing and editing and editing and editing, etc...

I'll be honest.  Editing is exhausting.  This is one of the main reasons that writer's block sets in for me...see when I edit, I have a hard time just picking up from where I left off.  I have to go back to the beginning.  Let me tell you that once the chapters add up, it takes a REALLY long time to get through the thing because I always find things that need to be fixed.  It gets to the point that I want to scream.  I'm sure I even have once or twice.  

But, as annoying as it is, it must be done.  Especially when I change major plot points and add characters.  Which I do.  A lot.  

I'm currently in the process of editing W.t.W.W.Y.N. for only the 3rd time (which isn't really that much considering), and I changed 2 major points.  So, now it's about extracting the roots of the old idea (which was okay but probably too far-fetched) and planting a new (hopefully better) idea.  But even the new idea creates a new set of problems.  (Wait...does she know this happened or not?  Would he really be motivated by this?  Should I just chop this character out of the story?)  

And, of course there's changing the name of a character.  I changed Kat's name Kate and Beau's name from Annie on my 4th or 5th draft of W.B.S.F., and that was obnoxious.  Even on my 7th edit, I'd find the stray Annie or Kate littering the story.  

I've discovered that one of the best ways to edit is to let someone else read the story and tell me everything that's wrong with it.  I must publicly thank Wendy Watson for doing that for me for the W.B.S.F.  Now I just need to find that person for W.t.W.W.Y.N.  

What exactly is the line that no one wants to cross?

I write Christian fiction.  That's really all I can write...I've tried other stuff, usually unsuccessfully.  I just need to include what I believe in what I write.  That's why I enjoy reading Christian fiction--I know that I won't feel all yucky when I'm done.  

But, after years of reading various authors, I've found there's a big difference in how they approach faith in their works.  I admit, I've read a few books where I've been completely annoyed because it feels as though the writers are trying to convert me.  My personal thought on this (and, admittedly, I could be wrong) is that most people reading Christian fiction are already Christians. I get a little tired of reading pages of sermons planted in the story or Christian-ese filling the dialogue.  A little faith goes a long way. 

On the other hand, I've read a few authors where I had no idea that they were writing from a Christian perspective because some of the writing has been a little racy or the doctrine spouted by characters has been a little shaky.  

So, where is that line?  How do I write what I believe without either boring or offending the reader?  This is something I still struggle to find a balance with...I want to show my characters praying without going overboard.  And what about salvation?  How much detail should one go into if you have a character who accepts Christ?  All I can do is keep practicing and editing and praying myself for wisdom in what I write.  

Inspiration and Motivation

In general, I can find inspiration from almost anywhere.  My mind is crazy with ideas at times...I was watching some random show the other day, and I thought wouldn't it be an interesting idea if a story revolved around a girl who made every available bad choice and suddenly gets a chance to start over.  Actually, that idea, in one form or another has come to me for years. 

 The sequel to W.B.S.F. is about Lucy, a girl who at a critical juncture in her life made the wrong choice and now everything else has been touched by that choice.  That's really all I'm going to say about Lucy right now...she has a long way to go before her story could be finished.  

I've also gotten inspiration from my job as a teacher at a residential treatment facility.  Someday, I'd like to write a story about a girl going through that pain and being forced to confront all those choices she's made that has destroyed her and her family but knowing through all of it that there's hope for reconciliation and restoration.  Right now though, that story will stay in my head.  

No, inspiration isn't really my problem.  My problem stems more from motivation.  Sometimes I have a really difficult time motivating myself to sit down and right.  I go through phases where all I want to do is write.  If I catch that fire, than it's amazing, and I feel at top form.  But, somewhere along the way, I always lose steam and my passion dissipates into doubt and despair.  Despair that this will ever come of anything.  Where does my confidence go?  I don't know; I just know that Satan sneaks in and robs me of the great joy I get from writing.  And unfortunately, once I get off track, it becomes difficult to get going again.  

One of the best ways for me to get motivated is to read.  Sometimes I'll read a really good book and think "I want to do this." and other times, I'll read a pretty okay (or occasionally, a terrible book) and think "I can do better than this."  Of course, the next step after identifying the problem is acting upon the solution.  

So, right now, I'm in the reading a great book to inspire and motivate me.  Hopefully, that will translate into more time writing...after all there are a great many stories rumbling around in my head demanding to be finished.  I might have more room up there if I followed through on it.  

a good well-rounded villain

Every story needs a bad guy, someone who creates conflict and forces the hero/heroine to step up.  A really good villain is conflicted themselves and are deeper than their actions would perhaps suggest.  No one acts in a vacuum and no one is all good or all bad.  Isn't it boring to read a story where the good guy is perfect and the villain is straight evil.  Think Dudley Do-Right and Snidely Whiplash.  Sure, it's an enjoyable cartoon if you're a kid (at least a kid in my generation), but flat and dull for a mature reader looker for more.  

I admit that creating and sustaining a good villain is at times a struggle for me.  I want the villain to recognize the error of their ways and stop whatever evil thing they're engaged in.  Unfortunately, that doesn't make for compelling storytelling.  So, I've been actively working to add depth and nuances to my baddies.

In  When Broken Sparrows Fly, I started off with one main bad guy (Richard), his conflicted, tortured wife (Salome), two henchmen (probably a little one dimensional, but not everyone can have a deep backstory) and a female assassin who enjoys killing (Greer).  First off, I realized later that there were a couple of problems with Richard.  First of all, he was kind of flat, there wasn't anything driving him, no good in him--he was boring.  Second of all, he just didn't seem truly bad enough.  His motivations were kind of weak (yes, I know greed drives many heinous crimes, but it didn't seem enough for this story).  That's when I demoted Richard to second bad guy and gave him a few more dimensions.  

Henri Laroche became the big bad, and I gave him pain in his past, a driving need for revenge, and a more sinister, all-knowing presence.  Adding him seemed to spice up the story and made the action all the more imminent and potentially life-threatening.  

My current bad guy, (for W.t.W.W.Y.N.) was similarly, driven by greed, and I realized (only 34 chapters in) that that wasn't enough.  I won't go into details, but I hope that my vision for him brings more depth to the story and forces the heroine to lean not on her own understanding but on God.  

the one I really want to finish

Okay...so now that I've sent Kat's story off (like a mom who's sent her oldest child off to college), I must focus my attention on my "younger child"...the unfinished but pretty darn close to being done one.  That's Lizzie's story, and it is completely unrelated to Kat.  I know I should have used some stick-to-it-ness and finished the next story in the trilogy, but Lizzie and her friends just came to me one day.  

I started the story when I was living in Arvada, CO, and it was my second year out there (2003-04), and I just started writing.  Like When Broken Sparrows Fly, the beginning of this is largely the same as when I started.  Though some of my original ideas have been somewhat altered from that first vision.

I had this idea that I wanted to add some untraditional romance to a story, and so I thought, how can I turn the idea of boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get married, on its head.  My idea was, what if all of that happens and suddenly girl leaves boy and they have to start all over.  

Like every other story, I take some cliche and tired old plot device and try to re-work it.  In this case it is a nasty case of amnesia.  But it's not the "getting bumped on the head" type, no this is more sinister.  What if someone did it on purpose?  What if someone caused Lizzie to lose her memory?  And what if, she's been missing for 2 years?  What happens to all involved when she returns and doesn't remember who she is or who the people, people she's known for years, around her are?  What if the person behind her mysterious memory loss is close and doesn't want her to remember?

That's the origin of the plot.  I got to about 34 chapters when I realized something needed to change.  The motivation of the bad guy.  Why would he do this to someone?  What could cause a "good" man to go bad and hurt people he loved?  I think I've figured that motivation out, but it's been a bit of work going back to the beginning and re-working the whole thing.  

It's not like I haven't done it before.  Heck...I've personally edited When Broken Sparrows Fly at least 7 or 8 times, plus I had a co-worker who completely edited it for me several years ago.  Editing isn't a new thing...it's just tedious and can lead to a little thing I like to call writer's block.  

I can see the end in sight for Lizzie's story, and I feel really good about it in general.  I really like the characters, and I feel like I managed to get some good dialogue going in different places.  So, it's really just a matter of stoking the fires of my imagination and pushing the self-motivation button a few more times so that I can finish it.  I really want to finish it...I want to see how Lizzie's story is resolved.  

the dilemma of a good name

I'm very particular when creating a story that the name of the character has to fit how I view that person.  I like to think about what the name means and the particular characteristics that it brings to mind for me.  This goes for last names as well.  When I created Kat (first attempt at her name was Kate, but it didn't feel right to me) I chose the last name of Pascal (which I've kept).  I remember discovering that Pascal meant Easter, which made me think of rebirth and redemption, which I thought was perfect.

For the main character in When the Wind Whispers Your Name (still undecided on the final title for this), I really loved the name Elizabeth (which is probably my favorite name of all time).  Elizabeth has such a solid feel with real history.  The character goes by the nickname of Lizzie, which is more fun and spontaneous.  All of these were characteristics I wanted Lizzie to have.  

It is a personal pet peeve of mine when I read several works by the same author, and she (or he) consistently uses the same character names!  Where's the creativity in that?  I may know 15 Jennys, but that doesn't mean I use the name for everything I write.  Everyone (even a fictional character) deserves a name and personality of their very own.  We are not our siblings and neither are they.

Wearing the whole armor of God

Ephesians 6:10-18 talks about the armor of God and its importance in the life of every Christian.  I have to be honest and say that I think I've forgotten how to gird myself in God's protection and have thus been beaten up a lot by Satan recently.  I woke up today with the realization that my problem isn't necessarily one of confidence (or lack thereof) but rather of defeatism.  I've given up on major dreams of mine because of this feeling that they aren't going to come true so why bother?  

This is not a helpful attitude.  I recognize this and am working to rectify it...one step at a time.  Step one: remember God's promises and his protection.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord in and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.  With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."  Eph. 6:10-18

This is my struggle.  To keep praying in the Spirit and clinging to the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, so that I may stand firm in the knowledge that God has beautiful, wonderful plans for me, and really, if He is for me, who could possibly stand against me?  

God has given me a gift, and I need to trust in his love.  That's where I am...remembering daily that it's not about me, it's about Him.  My story reflects His glory and so why should I possibly feel defeated?  

While, I'm not completely there, I'm working on it.  God is working on me, and that's what counts.

Character Profile: Katerina Grimaldi Pascal

Since I went ahead and sent Kat's story in, I might as well share a little of who Kat is and why someone might be interested in her story.

Here are some very basic pieces of info about our heroine:

Appearance: long, dark brown hair, tall, slim

Age: early 30's

Profession: NCB agent; high school literature teacher

Talents: picks locks, hacker, near-photographic memory, kick boxer

History:

Kat and Beau lost their parents to a car accident when they were children.  They spent most of their teenage years in a state-sponsored foster home, and this is where they developed a relationship with God.

What's her deal?

Kat loved her job and she loved Ben Pascal.  They impulsively got married after only a few months of knowing each other.   His loss has detrimentally affected her relationship with her friends and family and led her to quitting her job at the NCB.

Kat is extremely angry and has no problem spewing her rage on anyone who comes too close or pushes her buttons.  

Throughout the novel, she needs to come to terms with her losses and her anger with God.  Forgiveness and faith play a major part in her story.

And off it goes!

Today I submitted my proposal for Kat's story to two different agents, and now it's just a waiting game.  I should hear one way or another within two months.  It's all in God's hands.  

The on and on of sequels...how many is enough?

I love to read book series.  I love to be able to go back to the people I met in the first story and get to see what's become of them.  The best series fully incorporate those beloved characters.  Dee Henderson does a great job of that with the O'Malleys.  As each book progresses, you get to see relationships evolve (though she isn't perfect, there are still characters that get completely short-shifted in some of those books).  

When I first started writing When Broken Sparrows Fly, series was not in my head.  However, once I settled on how it should end, I realized that there was more story I could tell.  What about Beau?  Does she find that perfect guy?  Of course, hers wasn't the next story I conceived that would go with Kat's story.  That honor belongs to Lucy.  So, as it was, I came up with the idea of creating a trilogy.  I even have names picked out for the next two--Under the Wings of Grace and Soaring on Hope--get the bird metaphor?  

Tragically, I haven't gotten very far.  I actually have about 8 chapters from the second one done. Lucy's story is off to a great start (and I think it's even kind of unique) plus we get more about Kat, Max, Beau, and Theo.  But, I've kind of stalled out on this project.

This is what makes me a little nervous about sequels...what if I can't finish?  What if it just dies out and leaves the first just kind of hanging there in the wind.  We want to know what happens? What if I am unable to deliver?  

I haven't even touched Lucy's story in a couple of years...when will I ever get back to it?  Since then I've come up with a couple of other stories that I prefer to tell.  And, don't even get me started on poor Beau...will she ever have a chance to shine in her own story?  Maybe, maybe not, since I've only gotten so far as a rough idea of what that might entail.  At this rate, I'll be sixty before I get to it! 

So...is a series a good idea?  I'm not sure.  I'll let you know. 

Kat's story aka When Broken Sparrows Fly

I started this book way back in 1993-1994 (I can't really remember which now).  I can remember the exact place it sprang into existence.  I was working in the payroll office in Brody Cafeteria at MSU (Go Spartans!), and I was bored out of my mind when the idea of twins who worked undercover for the government leapt to my mind.  Yes, I know this is kind of cliche, but I went with it anyway.  Katerina and Isabeau (named Kaitlyn and Annabelle at the time) and their story came to me.  Now, after 15 years, it's evolved quite a bit...characters have come and gone but the story managed to get finished.  

So far, theirs is the only manuscript I've completed.  It's 50 chapters (52 if you count the prologue and epilogue) and about 100,000 words!  

The basic premise of the story is that Kat and Beau (identical twins each with unique gifts) worked for many years for a branch of Homeland Security (in the novel this branch is called the NCB, which is completely fabricated for the story).  However, Kat suffered a tragedy and quit the NCB in anger.  Some time has passed and Beau becomes injured in the line of duty, and Kat is called upon to resume her former job.  Along the way, they need to save a senator who is being held captive by the same terrorist who wants to kill Kat.  In the course of the story, Kat comes face to face with God and begins to heal from the tragedy of her past.

That's the story in a nutshell.  

I plan on sending Kat's story out soon, and we'll see if any agents show an interest. 

Just organizing my thoughts....

So...I've been thinking that I need to organize all those thoughts that just bang around inside of my head waiting to be released.  I have at least 5 stories in there wanting to be told...the problem is moving them from inside my head to a more tangible place like a piece of paper!  I thought I'd start by briefly outlining what those stories are here, and then go from there.  

Writer's Block is a Pain in the behind!

So, I've been struggling for quite some time with writer's block.  I have no idea why...I mean I love to write!  Not only do I love to write, but it's the time I feel closest to God...which opens a new can of worms.  

I've realized recently that my confidence level concerning my writing has fallen about 150%.  Where is my can-do spirit?  That part of me that says it doesn't matter what others think as long as I'm doing what I love?  Maybe it's the realization that I'm 36 and am no where close to publishing a manuscript.  It doesn't matter than I've finished one and nearly finished another.  Who wants to read it?  Who wants to take the time to check them out and see if they're any good?  Why would anyone care but me?  

I need to stop whining and get back on the writing bandwagon!  I've made the decision to shop When Broken Sparrows Fly around to some agents.  We'll see what happens.