What I aspire to...

I just re-read the first in the O'Malley series, The Negotiator.  If you haven't read this book by Dee Henderson and you enjoy suspenseful stories with identifiable characters, than this is the book for you.  Miss Henderson does a superb job of creating a story that would launch 6 other books.  I love this series maybe for the pure fact that it makes me want to write.  If you're looking for a good story, pick this one up!

Gotta move, gotta move!

It's been a while since I've been on here.  Sometimes I feel like that proverbial boulder...you know the one...if it doesn't move it gets covered in moss.   A rolling stone can't gather any moss.  I think I've gotten a little covered in moss, which is really just this mind-numbing, blah of mental inactivity.  I too easily allow myself to become numbed to life.  To turn it off or tune it out...to overall let myself fall victim to myself.  I need to shake it off.  I need to put into practice that which comes so easily when I'm driving my car or walking my dog...my imagination!  

the wind out of the balloon

I only have one day until the 60 days are up.  Sadly, I have received neither an acceptance nor a rejection from the agents I sent my manuscript to.  Regardless, it's not done.  Maybe I'll try to think outside of the box.  Okay, Brian...let's talk about e-publishing.  

reboot

There are times when we just need to start over.  Scrap an idea and go back to square one.  Or maybe just do some housecleaning...you know how it is.  Do you really need those disco pants from 1978?  Or those leg warmers?  Luckily, I never wore disco pants (I was 5 in 1978), and while I had leg warmers (striped teal and pink...very chic in 1983), they've long since hit the discard pile at Goodwill.  My point really isn't about going through my closet, it's more about cleaning out the garbage that stops me from enjoying the fullness of God in my life.  

I've been in this middle ground of being overwhelmed, anxious, and frustrated over a lack of movement in certain areas of my life.  And it has led to a little irritation at God for bringing about certain ideas into my life and then not following through on the promise made.  Unfortunately, that only leads to discontent and gives room for Satan to hand me the blocks I need to build that wall between me and God.  

I want to publish my book...or really anything at this point.  I want to find my own "Mr. Right" but God seems to think that taking the long way around is what I need.  I want to be a mom, and this beautiful opportunity might be presenting itself, but I'm stuck in all of these fears and doubts and frustrations that things are stuck in the mire of bureaucracy.  Where is the justice in this?  What is God telling me in this? 

I guess what he's telling me is to keep trying, keep hoping, keep waiting for he is there and will follow through.  However that looks, he has it all figured out.  Why do I keep having to figure this out?  Can't a lesson be learned once and remembered?  Why do I continually struggle through the same stupid territory?  When will I ever get it?  

lost in the haze

There are times when I find myself wondering in the desert of my own emotional upheaval...those times when I've lost track of me and instead have become consumed by the fog of nothingness.  It's easy to slide down the hill into the mire when you don't keep your lamp lit.  That's where I am.  This is really nothing new to me.  I give so much of my oil away without replenishing it, that before I know it, I'm dry.  Unfortunately, this always seems to happen before the semester has come to a close and nothing drains me quite as much as teaching.  I love what I do, but there are days (and sometimes weeks) where I feel weak and tired and irritable.  I just need a break, a chance to refill the lamp and refocus on my goals and my life.  To maybe try something new or develop different opportunities and friendships.  

It's these times that I really need to keep my eyes focused squarely on the cross because if I don't, then this time is far more painful.  There's nothing like the poor decisions that come from building a wall between me and God.  

So, here's to keeping my focus and making it through until a respite is offered.  

the perfect guy

Every girl dreams about the "one", the "perfect man" for her.  She thinks about tall, dark, and handsome and her prince in shining armor.  One of the fun things about writing is creating that perfect guy for the heroine.  He has to be everything she needs in a man.  It's this creation of a "perfect" relationship that still has to seem realistic.  No guy is perfect, and no relationship is perfect.  

One of the problems I'm running into while working on W.t.W.W.Y.N. is that Nick is just too perfect.  This guy is handsome, smart, successful, and he loves his wife.  Great, huh?  Except it doesn't create much tension or conflict to the story.  No one wants to be married to a plastic ken doll or a door mat.  He has to be alive enough to be an equal match for Lizzie.  I just can't figure out how to make him less perfect.  

I didn't want to go the obvious route of having him angry and bitter at Lizzie for "leaving him".  But, in having him be understanding and loving towards her, it kind of takes some of the bite and conflict out of their relationship.  Yes, he's showing Christ's love towards her by showing forgiveness and love...but how realistic is that?  

I don't want to go back to the drawing board with him, but I need to tweak his character a bit more.  Maybe he needs a temper or something...guess I'll get back to it.

a desire to create

I am often just overtaken with this desire to create.  Something.  Anything.  Unfortunately, I just don't always have good follow through.  I love to write, but sometimes I just want to paint or scrapbook or do something different.  I was told once that creating anything is good for the soul...it keeps us close to the Great Creator.  I believe that's true.  He put in us a desire to make something and to enjoy making it.  So...I'm off to make something.  Not sure what, yet, but I'll figure it out.