Who's this for anyway?

I often forget who I write for.  Is it for myself?  Do I get some intrinsic value out of writing?  Is it to please my masses of fans?  (note the sarcasm in the last statement as I neither have nor want fans...fans are fickle and wave around hot air)  Or do I do this for God?  Because if I don't then I'm denying a part of myself that he created as beautiful and essential to who I am?  I want this to be about God, and when I'm steeped in the love of the moment, then it is.  But, somehow that doesn't translate well into my life.  

Because I could just ask the question: why don't I write?  What stops me?  Is it the rebellious part of myself that's going to deny myself (and God) the joy of completely being myself?  Is it my lack of motivation or desire?  What is it?  I don't know...does it matter?  Probably not.  Whether I write or not, it only affects me.  Right?  

Maybe not.  God has a plan for each of us.  He's bestowed amazing gifts on every one of his children.  You don't give a gift only to see the recipient hide it away in a closet never to see the light of day again.  A gift is meant to be shared.  

I suppose I just need a change of mindset.  Maybe I just need to write a sentence every day and see where that gets me.  

Here's today's sentence: I have what it takes because God has made me worthy.  No one else can do that for me.

relationally

I really enjoy writing the interactions between people, especially friends and family.  My goal is to make those relationships seem as real as possible.  But I have to admit, that often they tend more towards the ideal than the realistic.  I write what I want those relationships to be like...maybe I write how I'd like my relationships to be.  The open communication, joking manner, and all-around love between friends and family is what I want to convey.  Like any person, those are the things you want in your relationship--the things that sustain you when tragedy strikes or problems arise.  Granted, most people aren't suffering from amnesia, but I think the desire is the same.  What makes good drama is good conflict, and I don't think conflict has to be painful in order to be gripping.  Life is dramatic.  Just ask anyone.

discombobulated

I feel really tense and anxious right now.  It's hard to think about writing fiction when my life has taken a serious turn for the bizarre.  It seems as though I've always done things in reverse, but it's getting ridiculous!  

God has placed on my heart my great-nephew.  A little boy just 3 and a half.  Due to circumstances out of his hand and his mama's, he needs a new home, and I've offered mine.  What does this mean?  Not much yet...not until the court decides that I would make a fit parent.  I know it's more than that, but it's too overwhelming to think about all the details.  

What it really comes down to is, I trust God.  I trust that he has a plan for me and nothing takes him by surprise.  I know that has a plan for the little guy as well, whether that means I get to be his insta-mommy or not.  I really want him; I know I'd be a good mom, and I know that with God for me, who could possibly stand against me?  But, I don't know what his final plan is.  I can only pray and wait.  

Contest

The Writer's Digest has a short story competition every year.  I've entered it before, but I recognize that my particular gifts aren't always the short story variety.  Due to recent developments in my life, I have a new idea for a short story.  If I can gather my wits about me, I might be able to write something.  I'll let you know how it goes. 

God's sledgehammer

It's easy in life to become complacent with the place God has brought me.  I love the life I've been given; I've come to terms with the gifts God has given and the gifts that he has withheld.  It's been a challenge to push through the times of resentment and depression over what God hasn't given me.  But it came to me recently that my life is awesome.  I get to teach in a place that honors God, and I have had the chance to impact dozens upon dozens of teens who have struggled through pain and anger of their own.  I finally committed to put down roots of my own by buying a house (a little place that in my head I call the cottage), and I am involved in a growing, dynamic church that continually challenges me in my relationship with Jesus Christ.  

So, I guess I should have been expecting a great big shakeup...that is often the way God has worked in my life.  This shaking me out of my complacent life.  But, this most recent challenge was like a sledgehammer to the side of my head.  What do I do with this?  How do I know what the right decision is? 

I need to clear my head and trust what God has for me.  Now, how do I separate my fears from the plan God has for me?

Excerpt from W.t.W.W.Y.N.

Since I was just talking about dialogue, I thought I'd include an excerpt from the totally not complete manuscript of Lizzie's story.  This is from early in the story before Nick (Lizzie's husband) has learned of her return.  This is a dialogue-heavy portion of story, so let me know if you think the dialogue seems real or contrived.  Does it work?

“What’s going on, Dan?”  He hooked his hammer into his tool belt as he watched Dan pound the last nail. 

            “What do you mean?” Dan sidestepped the question as he leaned against the fence and looked out at the fields. 

            “Something’s on your mind.” Nick reached out and turned Dan towards him.  “I’ve known you too long to be easily fooled.”

            “Am I really that obvious?”

            “Yes,” Nick said as he grinned.  “Now, spill it.”

            Dan’s look turned serious. “I don’t know how.” He whisked his hat off his head and thoughtlessly ran his fingers through the dark hair as he glanced away from Nick.

            “You can tell me anything, Dan.”

            “Yeah, I suppose so.” He started pacing in front of Nick.  “I don’t even know how to start.”

            “Does this have to do with Tess?” He’d sat beside Dan many a night as his cousin poured out the agony of watching his wife suffer through yet another miscarriage, and the thought of them going through that fire again hurt.  “Did the doctor have bad news?”

            “Tess?” Dan threw Nick a blank look.  “No, it’s nothing like that.  Actually, this should be good news.”

            “Then it should be easy to share.” Nick suddenly felt nervous, wondering what was disturbing his no-nonsense cousin so much.  Shouldn’t good news bring joy? 

            “You’d think.” Dan sighed and rubbed his hands across his face.  “It’s about Lizzie.”

            “What about Lizzie?” Nick felt his palms beginning to sweat, and his stomach suddenly jumped into knots. 

            “I don’t know where to start.”

            “Try the beginning.  I find it works well.”

            “Alright,” Dan paused, as if to gather his thoughts.  “We’ve, all of us, have felt as though Lizzie was alive, that despite her absence, she was still with us.”

            “I still feel that way.”

            “I know.” Dan glanced away and then brought his gaze back to Nick’s.  “How much do you want the truth, Nick?”

            “What do you mean?”

            “I mean, what if you found out she was dead?  Or, if something terrible had happened to her?  What would you do if she did come home?”

            “I think about her all the time, Dan.” Nick’s heart ached over the questions.  Questions he’d thought over and over again.  The answer was always the same: it didn’t matter, he loved her.  He wanted her back.  “I want my wife home.  I want our life back, no matter what that would look like.”

            “What if she wasn’t the same?” A ribbon of anxiety entered his voice, and Nick took a step backwards. “What if she’s not the Lizzie we remember?”

dialogue moves the story along...or just confuses the reader

Imagine enjoying a book.  The characters are dynamic, the plot is interesting, and you can't wait to find out what happens next.  Then they start to talk.  You're following along, getting what they're saying...then suddenly you're lost.  Who said what?  What are they talking about?  Why are they talking about this?  It makes no sense!!  I hate that!  It really bugs me when I have to go backwards to count the lines to figure out who said what.  Don't lie, you've been there.  

Personally, I really like dialogue.  I think I'm a better dialoguer than a narrative descriptor.  A good conversation will flow easily, seem realistic, and will move plot and offer character growth.  I'm still developing in this area, but I do think it's one of my strengths.  

The etiquette for grammar with dialogue is a little hazy depending on who you're talking to.  Some people swear by 'said', 'reply', 'questioned', etc...while others think these descriptors are obsolete and annoying to read.  I agree, they can be annoying when the same one is used over and over and over again.  That's probably my one problem with the Harry Potter novels: J.K. Rowling loves to use the word said.  

I like to add physical description or actions to my dialogue.  I think it's easier for the reader to picture what's going on.  

What are your thoughts on these and other dialogue issues?